Commuter Hell
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME LATELY?
The 2nd Avenue Subway
Famously referred to for years as “The most famous thing that doesn’t exist in manhattan”, the 2nd avenue subway has been on the drawing board since the f’ing 20’s. But then that whole “Great Depression” happened, and apparently they didn’t have prozac for the economy like they do these days back then and things took a while to get moving again.
Like 75 years.
But as I mentioned with the whole East Side Access post before (You do read all my posts right? this will be on your final exam): the east side of NY is about to get a ton more commuters.
So, as they from time to time do, the MTA is getting off their collective butts and building this damn tube.
But building in manhattan is difficult.
STEP ONE:
DIG A HOLE AND GET A TUNNEL BORING MACHINE UNDERGROUND
Contrary to its name, I actually find tunnel boring machines pretty interesting. It’s basically a giant mechanical mole that just makes a tube underground. So lets dig a hole to get it started.
WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA NOT SO FAST THERE BUDDY
Oops, looks like the buildings nearby aren’t stable enough to withstand nearby blasting
STEP .5, SHORE UP NEARBY BUILDINGS
Oh, also local businesses are getting pissed off that they’re all blocked and there’s no construction going on
STEP .25, DIG WITH JACKHAMMERS AT GREAT LENGTH UNTIL BLASTING CAN RESUME
Oh, and fuel and material prices have skyrocketed, so before new contracts can be negotiated, more money is needed
STEP .1 FEDERAL BAILOUT
Anyway, long story short, things are moving, slowly, thanks to almost a Bil from good ol capital hill. Construction in NY seems to move pretty slow for a city that moves pretty fast.
Wait, What’s this?
E.E. CRUZ IS BUILDING THIS FUCKING THING?
Yeah, that IS the same company that lit the Throgs Neck Bridge on Fire. (Why do I know this shit?). Well. This project is doomed.
Maybe they’ll F’ up the tunnel and manhattan will implode into itself. More likely: there will just be another empty hole on 2nd avenue.
