February 2012
Naked Man Climbs Tower, Demands Burgers →
“Police sources told the newspaper that, at one point, he asked for hamburgers from McDonald’s. Officials apparently fulfilled his request and the man agreed to come down after eating his meal.” What I find most disconcerting about this is that he was in Los Angeles and didn’t demand In and Out burger for gods sake. (I’d climb any manner of radio tower for in and out...
Somebody invent the Whampersand.
Anybody. Get on that, I need one.
My Actual Conversation with someone who had never...
Her: Wait, so what's the point of groundhog day anyway?
Me: Oh, well, supposedly if the groundhog comes out of his hole and sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.
Her: Really? How do they tell if they all saw their shadows?
Me: No, it's just one groundhog. In Pennsylvania. A man in a tuxedo talks to him.
Her: What?
Me: Yeah, Punxsutawney Phil. It's a whole thing.
Her: Punxsutawney?
Me: Yeah it's a town in Pennsylvania.
Her: None of this makes any sense.
Me: I know, there's a Bill Murray film about it where he violates the laws of time and space and the groundhog is still the least believable part. Go figure.
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Does it occur to anyone else that Van Morrison's...
No?
Just me?
Fine, whatever. Think what you want.
January 2012
anus
Dear "Shit ______ Says" Videos: We're done here.
So don’t you go rent that Arri Alexa to do your supercut of a bunch of cliche’s: I’m tired of seeing them. Supple internet fodder as they are, I’m just over them, and suspect you are too.
BUT JUST IN CASE SOMEONE IS STILL THINKING OF MAKING ANOTHER ONE,
I shall now attempt to kill every possible iteration of the joke:
Shit Toilets Say: “Flush”
Shit Taxis...
WatchOn today’s show we’ll explore the effects of tiny missiles on various objects around the office.
December 2011
Watchmrdavidgordon:
Moon Base 2’s brand new Wall O’ Annoying.
The good news is they’re nailed into the wall, so Ryan won’t be able to tear them down in a fit of rage.
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House of Leiv Schreiber
"A dog by any other name still poops on the...
All this and more in my new book “bizzarre idioms to confuse and disorient others popcorn telephone”
November 2011
